A Time for Sharing

It has been right around two years since I last posted onto my blog. I'm actually pretty sure that no one ever reads it and that's perfectly alright. There have been times I've been tempted to write but reconsidered when I couldn't find a purpose behind it. I figured that I may as well just keep my own personal journal (which is kept up on VERY rarely, just FYI) and leave my blog alone. Lately, though, I've been feeling like I really do want to write on my blog. It's for people to know what new and exciting things are happening in my life, right? If so, then I have been completely dropping the ball because I have failed to mention the coolest and most exciting thing of all. This post is to bring it to light. Be forewarned... It will very likely be long!

I grew up in probably one of the best families I could ever ask for... I was so lucky to have parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles that loved me and my brother & sister so much! In the summer time we worked at the beach site that my grandparents own and in the winter time we home schooled, went snow machining, trapping, ice fishing, ice skating, down hill skiing in Alyeska, and just had a grand 'ol time! Somehow, through all of that fun stuff my parents - and extended family, too - instilled in us this idea of being "good." I may not have always been good but I remember thinking that it was better to be good than to be bad. The funny thing is that I don't actually remember my dad ever saying no... especially when I was in high school. In fact, all I remember him saying was "I don't think that's a good idea, Jacks..." And somehow I was trained to take that as a "No." It wasn't, though! I could have gone ahead with whatever I was planning to do - in this case it was driving to Alyeska with a bunch of friends only a few months after I got my driver's license - but he really, honestly did not think it was a good idea! In this particular case he ended up driving us to Alyeska the next morning and we were just as happy if not happier because now we all could sleep on the way!

I remember riding horses in Sterling with a friend when we were somewhere around 7-9. I have no idea what we talked about but I remember it having something to do with religion and primarily Christianity. Again, I don't remember what we talked about but when I got home I had a big talk with Dad about it. Dad grew up in a Christian home but it wasn't a choice he had ever made for himself. He wasn't anti, though, either! How Dad approached the subject was from all angles. He explained all sorts of different answers depending on the viewpoint of the religion.

I would certainly not say that I grew up in an atheistic home. We didn't go to church but when there was a question as to how we should live, it was to put your neighbor above yourself, be loving and kind, don't speak a harsh word, etc. etc. etc.... The idea of God was something that we talked about and I personally knew that I could never be an atheist but I wasn't so sure what I thought of all the different religions and the church-going and everything else.

As far as my claims that I could never be an atheist, well... I seriously could and cannot look at the stars for any length of time and say, "There's nothing greater than us..." I'd look up into the beautiful, dark but star filled sky on a cold winter night and would be so much in awe that I - yes I! - seriously would seem to forget that it was freezing outside and just ponder on what could possibly be so big that can encompass the entire universe.... I thought, "I know that space has to end somewhere... like a big box.. Yeah, space is inside this really big box! ............. wait... but what's outside the box?!?" It was and is completely unfathomable!!

In 4th grade I went to public school for the first time. It was there that I really had my first taste of - how or what do you call this? Haha, the real world, maybe? It wasn't so much 4th grade, but more 5th & 6th grade that I remember the religious pressure being put on me. Like I said, I didn't go to church with my family but when friends would invite me I always went. I had some pretty interesting experiences... Besides the fun youth events, though, I have to admit that I didn't really like them. The things I couldn't stand were questions like "Are you saved?" and when I said, "I don't know.." answers that were variations of, "Well, you know you're going to Hell, right?" .... I cannot tell you how angry comments like that made me.

One of the things I remember thinking about as I would lay in bed at night was that I was a good person. If God was going to punish me for being a good person when there were other people that claimed to be all buddy-buddy with him while all the while doing bad things, this god couldn't possible reject me... I thought he'd be proud; that he'd accept me with open arms.... I was actually rather convinced of this.

I can't remember how old I was but I remember the play Heaven's Gates & Hell's Flames coming into town. I think it was performed at Kenai High School. It was one of the most frightening things I had ever seen and we actually left a little ways into it. The scene I remember went something like this:

Two cars are driving down the road. In both cars there is a father and a son. In car A the dad and son are coming back from a fishing trip. They're talking and having a great time. They seem like wonderful people! Everything that is said implies this... In car B there is another father/son combination. The father is clearly a Christian based on his lines and his son tells him through casual conversation that he had accepted Christ the previous Sunday. This son's dad was ecstatic! ... Somewhere after all of this information was established the two cars collide, killing all four. Though I can't remember the stagecraft of it all, I remember very clearly an angel appearing to take the father and son from car B to Heaven and though the other father and son were confused and convinced they were going to Heaven, before they knew it the Devil appeared on stage and with terrifying background music and screams from the pair, he dragged them below stage to Hell.. He then proceeded to run around the first rows of seats in the auditorium causing screams to erupt everywhere...

It was at that point that my mom took us and we left. I hated that play. It angered me significantly.

When I got into high school, the hypocrisy I saw in the young "Christians" honestly made me pretty mad. By this point I was pretty sick of being told that I was going to Hell. I started to think, "Well, OK, God! If this is what it means to be a Christian - to be like these guys?- then I'm sorry.. I want nothing to do with it..." I also was pretty smug that people were surprised when they found out I wasn't a Christian. I very often heard, "Jackie, you're the most christian, non-christian I have ever met." I thought to myself, "Darn tootin!"

To say that I had a very rough junior year would be putting it mildly. It's amazing how people can change when they somehow make this odd transition between something like a kid to a very young adult. Opinions about alcohol & even drugs changed dramatically. Without getting into the nitty gritty details, it was a pretty lousy year where nothing at all made sense. I was only 16 and felt like it was something I felt like I needed to deal with on my own. I never talked to my parents.

Mid-way through my junior year things hit what felt like rock bottom. I walked out of my room one night and my dad asked me if I was Ok... Holding in tears and a breakdown I honestly said, "No..." and left the house. I came back a few hours later. My dad was still in the living room. He knew I was hurting but also gave me my space to come to him... I did. That night I told Dad everything that was going on.. He was so receptive. He just listened and when the time came he responded. First, he hugged me and he loved me... Second, he comforted me and told me he was proud of me and finally he started to give me a little direction. Days later he would say something very vague in reference to one of those suggestions which would lead to me having to tell him everything all over again... He suggestions almost always worked and if they didn't he had counter options.

Junior year did end at some point. Then came senior year. By that point I was done. I wasn't literally done with high school but mentally I had had enough. I was not at all interested in being social with the friends I had once had. Long story, short, though, a friendship with my very first friend as a kid was re-kindled and over that year blossomed into something absolutely wonderful! We were together all the time. Her name is Cam/Camerin, by the way.

Camerin invited me to play volleyball with her family and her friends. It was such a large group and consisted mostly of very large families and myself! Everyone was so incredibly friendly! Cam invited me to church. At first I respectfully declined. Over time I started to tell her that I would come if I woke up... Over the next three years it upgraded to "Text me, and if I wake up, I'll go..." to "Call me when you get to the church... If I wake up, I'll go..." to "Yeah, I'll set my alarm.. see you there!"

Church was where the people I enjoyed the most were.

Camerin's family knew very well not to pressure me. Her mom, Gretchen, in particular knew this the best. There were times when I would bring something up and she would discuss it openly and enthusiastically (sometimes striking a nerve or two ) but it was always my choice to start it up.

I liked the sermons I heard at church. I thought they were very good as far as getting direction to live a "good" life.. It circled back to how I was brought up... putting your neighbor above yourself, and so on. I didn't think that anything bad was there. The songs always struck nerves... sometimes I wanted really badly to believe what I was singing but it wasn't something I could or would force and so that was that.

In the spring of 2007 I went down to Florida and got into yachting. I was a deckhand on my first yacht with an absolutely incredible crew! I made such great friends there! On weekends I got to tag along for all the beach trips, barbecues and whatever else were were gonna do. Traveling became very exciting! Unfortunately I didn't get to stick around on that yacht because the owner was incredibly stingy and refused to hire me. I got to accompany the boat on an Atlantic crossing from Fort Lauderdale to Palma de Mallorca, Spain. When we arrived there I had to say my good byes and continue to try and find another job. And I did.

10 days after arriving in Spain I flew back to West Palm, Florida and got on my second yacht. The owners this boat were absolutely incredible. I can't say the same for the crew... and you have no idea how badly I wish I could :( Working on that boat was one of the most trying experiences I have ever had. I worked with two young and attractive guys as well as the captain and his wife, the chef. I was supposed to be a Stewardess. To put it simply, I hated my job. I was cooped up inside all day long ironing sheets, brushing the suede walls, making & re-making beds, decorating the dinner table, learning how to serve the owners wine without spilling it as well as setting and serving the different portions of the meal in the proper form... UGH. And that wasn't the worst. On a much more serious note I worked with a very immoral crew. I would have liked to go out with the guys when they left the boat but I realized that A. They wouldn't want me to and B. I would cramp their style because all they wanted was to find girls. I can't and won't describe the conversations that were had at the crew table during lunch and dinner times. It was disgusting.

After about a month on this boat, one night I called Dad crying. Umm, he was completely unsympathetic and so I said good night and called someone else instead. I ended up calling Cam's mom, Gretchen. She seriously pretended like I wasn't crying for about 20 minutes. Finally she said, "Jacks, you don't sound so good..." I explained everything to her and she told me stories and encouraged me. At the end of the conversation she added, "Jacks, I know this makes you uncomfortable but would you mind if I prayed for you?" I told her that I would actually really like that.. When I got into my own bed I even prayed myself... I don't remember what I prayed for.

The next day I woke up and things were brighter. All of a sudden it dawned on me that I didn't have to spend my hour lunch sitting at the table listening to the crude discussions. I grabbed my book, went into the pilot house and read instead. That weekend I got off the boat and walked 30 miles around the two towns I was in between Saturday and Sunday. The next week I hopped off every evening, going to a coffee shop to read and talk on the phone. I even took the bus to Providence a time or two just for long drive to read, the change of scenery and once to watch a film at the I-MAX theater.

One weekend I decided that I wanted to go camping. I decided this at the end of a work day. I knew there was an REI in or around Providence. My plan was to get there, buy a sleeping back, rent a bike and take off... somewhere. (haha) Well, it just so happened that the bus that would be turning around after it dropped me off in front of REI was the last bus leaving that part of town that night. I thought, "Welp! It'll work out!" I went to the store, bought a bag and found out they didn't rent bikes. It also occurred to me at that moment that, "hmm.. I'm pretty sure buses don't actually drive into the woods for campers like me... interesting.." I remembered seeing a hotel up the road and so I walked in that direction. On the side of the road was a section of woods. I thought, "Oo! That's free! And seriously, what are the chances that anything would happen to me?? ....... Darnit. Dad would kill me." And so I continued on to the hotel. It was expensive and I had a smoking room.

The next day I woke up and decided I was going to go back to Providence and check out the Brown campus. I would have to be back on the boat that evening for work in the morning and so I was gonna fit in what I could.

Brown was cool. It was three weeks before the beginning of the 1st term and so there weren't of ton of people there yet. I walked around until I was sufficiently bored and then decided that I would find a nice coffee shop with comfy chairs so that I could sit and kill 7 hours reading. I couldn't believe it. I walked into every coffee shop and the only one I could find with comfy chairs was Starbucks. And it was packed!

I initially sat down at a table near to the front door. I think I did that to be a little less conspicuous as I was getting the lay of the land. All the comfy chairs were taken. I sighed but got up anyways to go order a drink. When I got my drink, I turned around and right in front of me was an empty comfy chair alongside a coffee table. Facing the same direction on the other side of the table was another chair. This one had a guy in it who appeared to be studying. I walked over and asked the guy if anyone was sitting in the empty chair. He said no. I asked if he would mind if I sat there. He said he wouldn't mind at all and so I sat down and settled in.

I honestly can't help myself... I'm a people watcher. I had never been in a Starbucks quite so large. People were everywhere! Unfortunately, though, I was not at all impressed with what I was hearing. Every conversation I heard was almost as bad as the ones I was trying to escape on the boat! I was so upset. I remember looking up and internally yelling my thoughts, "Am I seriously so alone?? Am I the only person here that any sense of morality? I hate this!!"

I sat there super upset for a while.. When I was able to calm myself a bit I opened up my book and read. I read for a couple hours and then stopped. The guy was still sitting in the chair alongside mine - still studying. I people watched some more and then got into my book for another couple of hours. When I got bored again I attempted to people watch again. This time I looked a little more closely at the guy next to me. Finally, it occurred to me. "Wait a second," I thought. "School doesn't start for another three weeks... What is this guy studying??" I looked and upon closer inspection I realized that this guy was doing his own personal bible study. He was reading his bible, taking notes, and just studying hard..

It was then that it really hit me... "I'm not alone.." I was so overcome. I remember looking up and again, in my head saying, "OK, God! You win! (internal laughing..) OK. Alright! I accept you! I get it... OK, fine!" I looked back down and then glanced at the guy... then I looked back up and thought, "OK, God... I don't want to talk to this guy, but if you want me to, I will.. but I really don't want to... so... yeah.." I'm not kidding when I say that within 5 minutes the guy had packed up his stuff and left without a word.

Coming home was wild. I remember telling Cam, "I don't know what this means... What do I have to do different? I already try to be a good person, so what does it mean to be a Christian?"

You know, I don't really know the answer to that question, but I do know that I have changed so much in the last three years. I am by no means perfect. I get angry, I over react, I'm lazy, I'm all sorts of things that make me completely unworthy... but just like when I was a junior in high school and finally went to my dad for help, I want God. I want to listen to Him and I want to know Him more.. My dad is so amazing! He is the most loving man! But God is so much more. It's not something that makes sense unless you've accepted Him, but for me, when I did... my life changed.

A New Adventure for Jackie - It's called "Not Moving"

Today is the first of a new month... September. I came home a year ago on the 5th from my yachting venture. I can't believe that a whole year has nearly passed! Wow!

I will have been working at KSRM for 11 months by the end of my employment. My last day is September 15th and my feelings on the matter are now mixed. I am very happy with my decision to leave, but am also going to miss aspects of my job.

I absolutely love the Production in my job. Creating ads is a blast. Sometimes getting to work with the sales representative to form a great idea for an ad is so fulfilling! Sometimes, we'll have someone record an ad but you have to walk them through it - reading one line at a time until each line is read in a manner that, haha, IIII think sounds good :) Let's just say that for a 30 second ad, I once recorded someone for 25 minutes. I then had to piece together this 30 second ad by finding the good sentences from the 25 minutes of recording. The client I have in mind was really worried when she left because sh wasn't sure how it would sound. When I called her with the completed ad she was so happy! That, my dear friends is a very good feeling :)

Really, when it comes down to it, I really just LOVE the production. I'm not a fan at all of 6am, though I have discovered I'm pretty darn good at pretending I am. I always find it humerous when I'm texting Cam during my morning show letting her know how incredibly tired and miserable I am and then a split-second later I get on the air "Wow! What a beautiful day! I am so glad to be hanging out with you this morning..." Oh my... it's silly.

Well, my last day is on the 15th. I have a few options for when I leave - options that include:

• moving/not moving,
• renting/not renting,
• working/not working for a couple of months.

I have pretty much made of my mind for the first option. This is odd because it's the first time between Cam and I where she wants to leave, and I - Me - Jackie Palm - want to stay put.

It's so expensive to move! Plus, boy is it a hassle! I am so ready for stability. This year, I think that I may decide to decrease how aggressive I am with my loan payments to provide myself with a little more peace of mind. My friend Alexis who was living here in Kenai for the summer was telling me about a studio apartment in Old Town Kenai for only $400/month. It's conveniently located, small so I don't have to keep up on a large amount of space, and though not exactly inexpensive, not ridiculously over-priced, either. Plus, it doesn't smell.

Hmmm.. Maybe I've already made up my mind for the renting as well. I have house-sitting gigs up until Thanksgiving. I think I will try and rent one of those lovely studio apartments when that time comes around, or perhaps wait until January.

I am currently looking for new job prospects. The office where Cam works is looking for a receptionist/secretary. That is the type of position I am looking for and will therefore apply. I'm trying to fix my resume so that I look good for an office position. Haha, actually, with no training, that's probably the position that comes the most naturally to me. I love computers. I love answering the phone... and believe it or not I LOVE organizing. I may not like organizing my own stuff, but when it comes to paperwork, oohhhhh boy!

I'm taking a Microsoft Access course right now. I'm only a week and a half in but I LOVE it. A few years ago I would not have enjoyed it but right now, I'm thrilled. "Let's see how many tables I can create!" "What relationships can I make between these tables??" It is a blast!

It's super funny because maybe I should have known I would like this type of thing when I was little. I never really liked school, but I always LOVED getting new pencils... and pens... and paper!! Such excitement! Haha.. I love it.

Of course, we'll see if I like doing it in a work setting. I think I will. I'm looking forward to my new adventure of staying put :) This'll be a neat, new experience :)

Take Everything in Stride

It's nearly the end of May. I've been here since September 5th, so let's see - that's going on nine months in only a couple of weeks. To be honest, it hasn't felt that long.

I've been working at the radio station now for seven, going on eight, months. It's been a blast. Listener responses have gone from A. Who is this girl, and why is she in Radio? to B. Jackie, I hear you on the radio.... to C. Jackie, I listen to you every morning on the radio, and finally, to D (which is wild) "I'm your secret admirer..." silence... "Oh don't worry, I'm not a stalker..." -- Actual conversation with a caller this morning.. humorous, and yet still odd, haha... now that I think of it... I really wish I recorded it.. Would've made an excellent show liner.. Darn! Haha!

Starting last Saturday, I became the late night host on the FUSE, 106.9 FM.. It's the rock station in our group. Everyone knows it's me, even though I use a fake name. It's very hard to disguise my voice but I do deepen it.. almost sultry, but not, haha. It's kind of fun because it's like I'm on stage again, acting a part. People wonder why I change my name when it's obvious I'm Jackie. Nobody seems to understand that the part I play on the FUSE is not the personality I want the real me to come across as. Sure, I like the music, but yeah... I think at least my family understands, and that's what's important.

Also new, I've been promoted to Production Manager and to PSA Director. Fancy titles but it's not that much cooler. A bit of a pay rise is included so of course that's welcomed. Currently, it comes with a couple more hours of work each day which I could do without but am convinced that once I get things organized and in order, I will at least be able to shorten my days from 10-11 hours to 8-9. That would be ideal. Truly though, it's exciting. It gives me a bit more power.. a say in things. It gives me the chance to get things in such an orderly way that when the next person comes into the station they'll be able to go "Oh, that's how this is done..." and go from there without anyone needing saying a word. You know me... something new, it's exciting, so I just gotta keep it that way.. everchanging and evolving to something better and better... contstantly improving. Haha, hey, it's good to have a goal, right??

The summer sun is a blessing and problem all wrapped into one. It is so much easier to wake up at the un-Godly hour of 4:30 when it is already bright outside. It is also, however, so much more difficult getting to bed at a respectable hour to wake up at the un-Godly hour! Oophta! When I started working at the station I kept saying "This going to bed at 10 business is absolutely ridiculous!" Well! I still do, but now I mean to say that 8 o' clock is pushing it! Haha, my friends all have to put up with me on Friday night being barely there, and on Sunday having to leave around six. They're getting used to it now, and don't give me such a hard time. I'm just finding that in order for me to be NOT cranky consistently, I need sleep... and not sporadic. Haha... it's an interesting change..

**Note: Now Erik.. don't get too excited! Haha! When I get the chance to go to bed at midnight and wake up at 8, I take it! Which is still so odd! Because I do that on Friday nights/Saturday mornings! Gahh! It's like I'm growing up or something!... to accept 8 hours when I could get 11 or 12?? Who does that but respectable people?? .. :-) Craziness..

Tina and Erik have been home now since Sunday, but I have yet to see them! I talked to them on the phone a couple days ago and it seems they are the busiest people I know for having just got here. Wow. They never fail to impress me. My plan/hope is to be able to get started working with Erik at the site starting next week after I get out of my day-job. I'm not ready to put any hard-plans down yet cause I still need to talk to Erik about what needs to get done and such, but tentatively next week I start my real job. Radio is now. Fishing is forever.

This Saturday I was hoping that Chris might do the Skyline Traverse with me. It's 1.5 miles up Skyline and then 9.5 miles across the ridges of mountains at 3500 ft all the way to Fuller Lakes and then you come down the the parking lot there. Chris is the only person I really trust doing it with, honestly because... I don't know. When he looks at a map and says we need to go this way, I will say, OK and not fret. If I were to go with any of my guy friends, I am convinced I would constantly doubt... They're just gonna have to prove themselves. Until then, Chris is number 1 in my book.

Chris is, however going to do Juneau lakes on Saturday; mountain biking with some guy he met at work. I have a couple of buddies that are camping at Fuller Lakes on Friday night and spending the day on Saturday. At first I thought I might camp as well but I chose not to for various reasons. Instead, my tentative plan is to climb Skyline Saturday morning, maybe enjoy a peaceful packed lunch on top, and just chill, enjoying the scenery, then fall down Skyline as gracefully as possible... drive over to Fuller Lakes, hike up to meet the guys, eat some of their fish and then go home. Haha, I think I'll be sore on Sunday..

Haha, to make matters worse, the church I'm attending is doing their first hike of the summer on Sunday to Russian River Falls. Hmmm.. A nice warm-down from the other two. Let's be honest, here... Skyline's going to kick my butt.... Feel those thighs burning? I can! And I'm laying in bed! Ohhh dear... ;)

Besides work, fishing season fastly approaching, and the plan to do some hikes this summer, I don't know what my plans are! :) I'm sure I'll have all the free time in the world.. haha or not. But I can't imagine spending it any other way.

I'm glad I'm here. I'm proud of myself for the progress I have made on my loans, and am pleased with my work at the radio station. I think I've made healthy lifestyle choices for myself but know that I still have a lot more to learn. I've enjoyed the steps I've taken so far. Sometimes they've been a little rough, but I've learned a lot about myself along the way. Life is good.

Love you guys TONS and will see most of you in only a month or so. Woof :)

Jacks

By Request.... :-)

I didn't realize that it has been nearly four months since I last wrote. The fact that six months have passed since I've returned from my yachting is mind-boggling, really. It's odd because the "season" is starting again down in Florida so I've been getting emails from agencies asking if I'm interested in this position or that. A captain I once interviewed with actually called and asked me if I was interested in a deckhand position on his yacht--of which I turned down, obviously being that I am definitely still here in Kenai.

Connie has been most gracious and has told me that I can stay with her whenever I need but for the past 3 months I have been able to consistently house-sit at various places. It has been extremely convenient that my big boss decided to go to Hawaii for 2 1/2 months and left me in his place, RIGHT behind the radio station. It takes 2 shakes of a lamb's tail to get to work... Not bad, not bad at all..

Unfortunately, John get's back on Wednesday, so I have to have all of my stuff out by tomorrow. I have a place in Sterling now with a dog named Chino. She's really sweet (lab/australian shepherd mix) and extremely high energy, go figure :-) The place in Sterling is nice but I've been spoiled for the last 6 months with a very small commute. Now I'm back to 30 minutes until the 23rd. I'm still working on April.. Not sure where I'm going to be just yet.

I've been enjoying myself pretty thoroughly since the beginning of the new year. We have no benefits here at the radio station but really... we kinda do. We get a free membership at the Fitness Place in Soldotna. For about a month and half I was going daily, which was really great and then I got sick and coughed every single time I exerted any energy at all which took me out of the working out for 2 weeks and then I guess I never got back in..

All is well, however because I'm still having a blast cooking healthy meals (within my budget of course, haha!) and have picked up dancing and an amazing and fun hobby. It's swing, and it's amazingly wonderful. We've got some guys that are completely into learning and I've got a ton of music from Bob Bird now so we order Instructional DVDs online and so far we've learned quite a bit! I'm really looking forward to this summer when we'll be able to have outdoor dance-offs/BB-Qs!

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I go out north to go swimming with some from the Baeten family. I go hiking/skiing with Ben on occasion and Brian is now teaching me to play the guitar. The Baeten family is quite large so I will understand if you cannot remember all of the names but... here we go. We're all really interested in learning more dance and Phil Morin has given us the go ahead to go to use the green room at Nikiski High to practice while he's there with his dance troupe. So Brian, Bethany, Brandon, Brianna and I will be going to work on our mad skills :-)

After we dance/swim I typically go over to their place, have dinner and we either dance some more or play some music. It's a lot of fun. Yesterday at the Bogards we had 3 guitars going and goodness, there's some real talent around! I played my one mastered song :-) hehe and then just harmonized with Brian, Adam and Ben. It was a blast for suresies. My instructor told me that I have to have my other song memorized by Thursday, so I'm gonna have to work on that this week..

I've realized that I am very much a "Yes-man." I know I know how to say no but I don't do it very often. I need to learn to prioritize my responsibilities and also to not over-extend myself because really, when I do that to myself, it typically affects other people when I find out that I can't really do what I said I could... and then I get super frustrated with myself. So, working on that... Anyhoodle.

I was just hired in Kenai at the Legislative Information Office as a Reserve for teleconferencing and such. It'll only be on some evenings and some weekends. It works out well with my radio work schedule--not so much with my playing schedule, however. I figure that every little extra bit of money I make, though I can put straight into my loans so I can skidaddle outta here even sooner! Right now I'm on a 3-year plan with loans and then a 2-year plan on top of that to get some money in the bank before I head out. As long as I keep doing what I'm doing, I'll be set and I can only see one thing that might interfere with my plans, but I don't see that happening anytime soon, so I think I'm good... and I think that was a run-on sentence? hehe

If I was talking to you, I guarantee you that I would go into great detail on each and every aspect of my life haha and that's probably why you are all pretty thankful that you can get the basic run-down right here:-) You want more info? haha doubtful.. call me :-) I get off work around 3.

One more thing I find necessary to mention is this... On Saturday I was hanging out at my friend Jake's house when some other girls came in--all sisters. I had a blast talking to Maggie about country music and all sorts of stuff while Jake and her younger sister, Molly were downloading music to Molly's ipod because apparently she had some trip to Italy she was going on.. For some reason no dots were connected at first. Finally by the end of the night, it clicked! "Wait! You're leaving for Italy?? " "Yes" "For choir??" "Yeah!" "Ohhhh my goooshhh!! You're gonna see my cousin, Maya Chay!!" "Oh yeah! She's your cousin?? Yeah, and I think her younger sister is coming, too... uhh.. Fr-uhhh" "Freya!! Yeah, they're both giong! Oh my goodness, I cannot believe you're going to see my cousin's in just 3 days!"

I honestly felt like I was gonna cry.. It was like you guys were so close... but not! I almost walked up to Molly and gave her a biggg huge hug to pass on to you guys but realizedI didn't know Molly at all, haha. I really did almost cry, though! I miss you guys SOOOO much and I cannot WAIT for you guys to come home.

That's all for me right now. Eventually I may post some more photos, mostly from Wam-bam the Cam Cam :-) Alyeska and dancing and such:-) Love you guys, Woof

Jacks

Q 100 the Point

I am now the morning show host on KWHQ 100.1 FM here in Kenai. I'm living with Connie and doing very well. I sleep upstairs but am not here very often. I spend most of my time at work and puppy sitting Chris and Molly's little Sourdough, an adorable little black labrador. It's a pretty fantastic life right now. I'm making just enough to pay all my bills with a little left over to live. I'm currently looking forward to going hiking though I'm not sure how soon I'll be able to go. Soon enough I s'pose.

Thanksgiving is in such a short time and it is so odd not to have the Chays here. I know, who am I to talk? I've been gone for two Thanksgivings now but now that I'm home I figure we should all be here! Alas, we are not. Thanksgiving will still be a good time, though. Chris, Molly and Connie will be coming out for dinner as usual and we have all been invited out to the Bogards to spend the second half of our evening. It should be fun!

I'm loving my job at the radio station. I am on the air from 6-10 am and usually stay at work until 2:30 or 3 during which time I will either record ads, edit music or do whatever they tell me to, really. Sometimes I stay till 4 or 5 but I even enjoy that just because I really do like my job. I get to wear normal clothes which is such a relief! I was really not wanting to wear a polo shirt with the business name on it. I am trying to convince Matt into purchasing coats for the station...and maybe even sweatshirts! That would just be fantastic! I love sweatshirts and coats!

Since I live in town now I so rarely go out north. I go out every weekend to see Mom and Dad, Cam and her family and to go to church. I do get to see Chris and Molly during the week since I pick up Sourdough, so that's good. I basically live for the weekend which is really nice. I keep myself busy during the week and am able to completely relax on the weekends. It's fantastic, and the way it should be.

I'm considering picking up a very part-time job in the early evenings. Since I usually get off work around 3--4 at the latest-- I may work at the Haircutters as a receptionist from 4:30 to 7:30 in the evenings. That really would work out fine just because I don't go to bed until 9 or later. I'm just not sure if I really want to fill in my time. I really do enjoy puppysitting Sourdough and am looking forward to getting a gym membership here shortly. I guess we'll see how everything works out. It always does.

Anyways, I guess that's all I have for now.. I'm missing you all that are not here and am anxious to get my bag packed once again for travel. I am happy where I'm at currently. Love you guys so much!

Woof,

Jacks

Life is Good

Hello! My goodness, I cannot believe that it has nearly been a month since I have written last. My apologies. I'm back in Alaska now. Unfortunately the boat I was working on was not the boat for me. It is sad but it's for the better that I left. So here I am in Alaska wondering what I am going to do next. I've got a "Plan A" but am still working on a "Plan B".

Plan A: Work as a dispatcher with the Kenai Police Department with an excellent pay-check either living at home or perhaps in town depending on rent.
Pros: Excellent Pay, get out from under debt in roughly 2 years, fun and exciting job, I have the appropriate certifications and am a not-so-bad typist
Cons: Fun and exciting can turn into stressful and depresssing (hopefully not), 3-month trial period that I don't have to get through just on my opinion but on their's as well so let's hope it's not toooo stressful, REALLY HIGH turn-over rate...

I have an interview on the 29th so we'll see how it all goes! As for Plan B, Arizona and dude ranch? AZ and waitress? OR and waitress? WA and waitress? I don't know but it has to be more than $10/hr to be able to make substantial payments on my loan while still buying food to eat and the roof over my head. I have a sleeping bag so all I need is a floor and a pillow. So, yeah, Plan B is in the makings...

Haha the way I see it I will go wherever the wind takes me... as long as I can take care of my obligations. It would be nice, though if I just knew what I wanted to do. Well that's not entirely true. I want to travel. That, I know for a fact. There is so much that I want to do before I'm 30 but I can't start yet. Not yet.. Well I guess technically I already started but that only skimmed the surface. There is so much to see! Haha, ohhh woe is me. I sure make it sound like life is pretty rough, don't I? Not so much. Life is good.

Since I've been home I have ridden the horses daily. I have to find a break in the rain and a few times I was caught in it but I have been having a lot of fun. I got through half of the coral the other day cleaning up Snort and Bint's little dumplings (NOT FOR EATING) but still have some more to do. I'm always so hesitant riding Snort. Yes, I have a pretty good understanding of riding now and catching and what might be going on in their heads but where I'm lost is in their limits. Snort is what? 25 now? I know she's old but how old? I know she has to slow down, but by how much? I know she shouldn't ride as far but how far is far? I know she has poor hooves but how poor are they and how much should I baby them? I just don't know these things! All I know is that Snort is more responsive to me now than she ever has been. I don't mind riding Bint but every ride is a training session which can get a little old. She's not bad, though. Bint is definitley better when Snort is along but not bad; better than she was.

I have a lot to learn about my horses. I really hate how old Snort is. She is such a good horse and I am enjoying her so much but... I don't know.. I just don't know her limitations and I really wish she was 5 and had only one or two versus however many she has now ( I have no clue!) I just don't want to hurt the poor girl.

Anyways, I am off. I will write again once I find out if I get this job or not. In the meantime, if any of you know of any great jobs in your area, feel free to let me know! I would really appreciate it!

chays:

I wish you were here or I was there or we were somewhere else but that I could just see you! I was trying to catch up on your blogs tonight but I didn't make it through to the most recent. That's what I get for taking so long to check up on them!

Thank you so much for getting me in touch with Debbie and Dan in Providence! They were so wonderful!

Freya! You mentioned the orange juice. I can't believe I forgot to mention that in MY blog! Ohhhhh I LOVED THE ORANGE JUICE!!! I went to this Juice Bar and the bartender kept trying to get me to put vodka in my juice and I thought...and said, actually, "why would I ruin this with vodka?? Yuk!!!" Ohhhh it was so good. It's filling, though! Which was frustrating because I wanted to drink it allllll day. Oooo it was delicious. I have a juicer and I just might go and buy some oranges tomorrow to do my own squeezing! I know it won't be the same as what you're having now, but mmmmmm, it'll be close!

Love you all so much and miss all of you that I do not have the pleasure of seeing often.

Woof,

Jacks

All for REI

Have you ever loved something so much that you just end up hating it? Goodness, I despise REI. Every time I go into that place I just want to buy everything! I am sure that I will go camping in the near future and I could go rock climbing tomorrow! Ohh no, that is not the case though. Walking into REI makes me think of all the things I could be doing in the outdoors. Someday... yes, someday I will be doing those things.

Yesterday was Friday. We worked until around 4 and then I started doing some research for camping in or near Newport. First I needed a sleeping bag that I can travel with. There was an REI in Cranston so I then had to find the right bus. After searching endlessly on the internet I eventually decided to just go to the bus station and find out which bus I needed to take then. After showering and cleaning up I didn't get off of the boat until after 5.

At the bus station I found that the bus I would've preferred left before I got there and it would not be running anymore that night. I walked inside and talked to the customer service guy who told me to take route 60 until the very last stop. I said, "Ok, thanks!" and ran out the door to get on the bus as it was waiting. I had no idea where the bus was going.

I climbed on the bus, took my seat and removed my Rhode Island and rt 60 map from my bag. I was going to Providence, I thought. I asked the woman behind me but she only spoke Spanish. The two men sitting in front of me turned around in their seats and told me exactly where we were going and how I should continue on to Cranston. They were very nice.

I arrived in Downtown Providence around 6:45 and the two men told me I should get on Rt 22. I stood there for about half an hour before the bus arrived and told me they were not going to Garden City. "Great!" I thought. There was a whole wall of bus routes in the station and I had no idea which one was for me. By chance a woman inside (strange woman) said that Rt 13 would definitely go to Garden City. I walked outside and waited for another 20 minutes. By this time it is dark.

I rode on the bus for about 15 minutes on the freeway before I hopped off in this huge shopping place called Garden City. I found an outdoor store but it was not REI and greatly overpriced. Nice, though. They pointed me in the right direction to REI. At REI I found the bag I wanted and talked to the man who was helping me about camping places. I soon discovered that it would be very difficult to get to the places I wanted to go as unfortunately, busses do not go into the woods.

There were no more busses leaving out of Garden City by the time I left REI (9:00) so I walked to the Day's Inn I saw on my way in. So here I sit in Cranston wondering what I should do today and tonight for that matter. I have a sleeping bag so I might just go into the woods.. haha probably not. I do have to worry about safety a bit, especially being by myself. I don't have a buddy to use the buddy system with but I don't want to completely stop what I want to do. I just need to figure something out.

I think I'm going to go into Providence today and walk around. Maybe I'll find a hostel or something. Otherwise I'll have to go back to Newport and sleep on the boat. I bought a 7day bus pass so I can ride it as much as I like. So that's good. Anyways! I have to check out here in a few minutes so I had better get a move on. Love you all and miss you. Woof,

Jacks